Building resilience amid uncertainty – Helping children with world events
With recent and current local and global conflict, it can be difficult or impossible to shield our children from hearing about war, conflict, and local tragedies.
We may not be prepared or know how to navigate the questions our children or young people may be asking. Pretending the big uncomfortable questions don’t exist can be confusing and distressing for children, and our reactions and impressions to any event has as much, if not more, of an impact on children than the information they are hearing.
Dr Catriona Davis-McCabe, former president of the Australian Psychological Society (APS), recommends finding out what our children are aware of first. What they understand in their own words at their age and stage of development.
With any big questions, we need to keep answers simple and in a language at their level. It is also important to answer their questions that have been asked rather than expanding on more information, particularly for children or young people that need additional supports.
It is very common for children to keep asking the same questions repeatedly. It is how their brains are processing complex information. Some questions may be inappropriate in words or timing if we are expecting an adult understanding. Children process information in their own way and in their own time. If we can keep calm and non-judgmental, we can encourage open communication and validation of what they are experiencing.
Dr Davis-McCabe encourages parents and carers to keep checking in with their children. Let them know that they are in a supportive environment to talk about their thoughts and feelings. Play is a great way to connect with children and have a fun and safe space to freely express themselves, whether it’s drawing, using toys, or playing a pretend game. Child-led play allows for children to invite their safe adults into their world and take the lead without direction from others. This is highly encouraged for all adult/child connections, especially to build and reinforce secure attachments.
Navigating Media and Tech
As much as professionals can recommend best strategies for family interactions and parenting support, we do understand that outside the therapy rooms, life is messy, chaotic, and unpredictable at times. A great example of real life versus best practice is when it comes to young people and social media, particularly around “fake news,” social influencers, needing to source correct information, and limit algorithms that feed into doom scrolling and the rabbit holes they lead users into.
So how can we protect our children from a stream of distressing media content?
Ideally, as parents, we have control over devices and content. Even with the social media ban, platforms exist to circumvent the safeguards in place designed to protect young people online. This is where open communication between family members is invaluable. It is encouraged for children to feel they can talk to their trusted adults at any age about anything on their minds. Regular connection opportunities throughout the day and week can help build and maintain relationships, such as eating dinner together or having screen-free family time.
As much as possible, it is recommended to sit with your child and examine information and their sources for transparency and accuracy.
Signs to Watch For
There are important signs to look out for if you are concerned about the wellbeing of your child. Dr Davis-McCabe recommends if you notice changes in sleep patterns and quality of sleep, appetite, mood, or behaviours—such as wanting to stay close or clinging instead of typical independent behaviour—some are indications something is out of the ordinary and warrants further exploration.
"I am not what happened to me; I am what I choose to become." — Carl Jung
We don’t have to have all the answers to questions such as “Why do people do bad things?”. Dr Davis-McCabe suggests focusing on how people are helping; our first responders are trained for these situations and there are good people in the world. She says, “talking about helpers assuages helplessness.”
According to the APS, keep routines predictable and reassuring, foster hope, and focus on how to make the world a safe and beautiful place in which to live.
Feeling hopeless or helpless are key factors that can contribute towards low coping skills. Actions that can assist resilience and wellbeing are focussed on what we can do. We can be proactive and community-minded, such as supporting groups practically with donations, attending fundraising events, and checking in with members of our beautiful Coastie community that may be more impacted than ourselves.
As parents and carers, our wellbeing is also important. We need to check in with ourselves and each other and talk with supports as much as we need to. Please reach out to mental health professionals, schools and community supports. We are there to help.
Take Care, Selina
To book an appointment with Selina, follow this link: www.theheartandmindcollective.com.au/selina-chapman